


catch fire

by sun_incarnate



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, how is Heavy Feelings not a tag, the rest of tbz are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24576976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sun_incarnate/pseuds/sun_incarnate
Summary: "hyung, have you ever felt something for someone?"younghoon thinks, 𝘰𝘩, reasons, 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘮𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴. 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳. 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴.never mind whatever golden hour he sees whenever changmin ends up meeting his eyes, never mind the ever-present warmth with him, never mind the heat that he feels staying pressed against his skin long after changmin has left his side.never mind, because changmin is someone meant for younghoon to love from afar.𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯? 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵.
Relationships: Ji Changmin | Q/Kim Younghoon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 84





	catch fire

changmin lays down on the couch, and he's probably too sleepy that he doesn't notice the patch of sunlight he'd just put himself under. it shines warm on the uncovered skin of his stomach, bared from his stirring to find a position comfortable enough for naps. it's exposed a sliver of skin, devoid of the sweater-fabric that drowns other parts of him. 

the late-afternoon reflects on his skin, and younghoon's seeing warmth. the glow of it bounces off everything, and for a few moments he thinks changmin's set his world afire.

younghoon's focus turns to looking for other parts of changmin that might have mirrored sunlight, and settles on eyes already looking at him. these, melting molasses in the sun, leaves him wanting so, so much. 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵. 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨.  _ is this really just such simple want? _

there's changmin inches from him, lips parted and chapped drying. younghoon wants to look away.

"want some water?" 

changmin nods, stretches, then hums this something lovely that's physical in the way his throat moves to form the sound. younghoon's forcing himself to turn his head, gets up to fill a glass with water, then back and giving it to hands already outstretched, reaching. 

younghoon feels himself a coiled spring, so tensioned that he could almost taste what his unraveling would probably feel like.  _ like spring giving way to summer. heat. unforgiving suns. warmth everywhere. _

  
  


changmin sets a half-drained glass atop the coffee table, and reaches for younghoon. 

  
  


_ aren't you warm, is the sun not enough? _ but he moves closer still, arm propped up on a knee to play with changmin's hair. it proves enough, this barest of contacts, for it's sending changmin's eyes closing.  _ butterfly flutter.  _ younghoon's dragging his fingers along the shell of changmin's ear, then down to the side of his neck when he's met with no refusals. changmin turns and grabs younghoon's hand, placing both just before his lips. younghoon's feeling warm, _warm_ , everything's caught flame. everything's maddeningly febrile.

he hopes not too much time had passed, but it's already dark out when younghoon stares through windows to look for the sun. 

  
  
  
  
  


________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


changmin sometimes wakes up when everything's gone quiet. 

so it's no surprise, really, when he emerges from the room he shares with the others. he's probably worried that he'll wake the others up with his toss-turning. 

but it's also tonight that younghoon's hoping to borrow some of that silence, attempting to have his heart mimic it. younghoon's left wondering what to do with this chance.

changmin's steps are feather-light, but the mess of his hair and wrinkles in his shirt betray his restlessness with the need to move. younghoon is no stranger to this changmin, eyes too alive when it's dead of the night. he muses it's because of a song, or some particularly exciting movie he's gotten hooked on, but younghoon's not expecting the:

"hyung, have you ever felt something for someone?"

  
  


younghoon thinks,  _ oh,  _ reasons,  _ of course there's someone changmin likes. feels for. wants.  _

never mind whatever golden hour he sees whenever changmin ends up meeting his eyes, never mind the ever-present warmth with him, never mind the heat that he feels staying pressed against his skin long after changmin has left his side. 

never mind, because changmin is someone meant for younghoon to love from afar.

_ will you ever tire of being the sun? you are burning bruises on the skin of my heart. _

  
  
  


younghoon sets these thoughts aside, deciding to be selfish and put himself first. so he thinks of the question in the way his heart stutters around it, and searches for an answer.

younghoon could've said no, could've refused admitting that he's been feeling feverish bouts of want. 

but he nods. he's not trusting himself to speak. 

changmin stays standing over from where younghoon's seated on the couch, the doorway to the room he's just emerged from framing his body. it's like he isn't even surprised that younghoon's not asleep, that he's out here alone in the living room.

younghoon feels like changmin's waiting for something to come after the nod, after the affirmation, and younghoon's heart had mirrored the lilts of the other's questions. so he stays silent. everything else's quiet again, there is nothing disturbing the peace he's worked hard to find. 

but younghoon's left too aware of the pulse on his neck, and changmin sighs soft before saying he's making both of them coffee. 

caffeine. does he plan to not sleep? _we're_ _awake before the sun is._

he disappears behind a corner, and younghoon can't bring himself to let out the breath he's been holding. he wants the quiet and the peace to last, because he's admitted to a question he rarely asks himself, and there's no way that changmin would let go of that.

"hyung," came changmin's voice, whisper-gentle waking younghoon from whatever it was that had him closing his eyes. _ feelings. changmin. wanting. changmin. lov- _

"hyung, let's talk on the kitchen. we don't want to make a mess here." changmin's standing over him again. he's probably checked if younghoon's still awake or if he's gone back to his bed. 

the edges of changmin's lips edge upward, dimple deepening when younghoon stands up to follow him. granted, it's changmin dragging him by the wrist, probably thinking he's getting too sleepy to walk by himself.

younghoon, too, does not trust himself enough to not run into walls. no trust indeed, not as he looks up and almost stumbles at the way changmin looks like under the minimal lights of their dorms at night. he's grateful for the hand leading him, and even more to the one who extended it in the first place.

changmin leads, leads, ( _ leads me on, _ younghoon thinks,  _ he doesn't know it but he's leading me on) _ until he's seated the older first, two steaming mugs inches beside each other. changmin sits beside him when this time of the night younghoon would have appreciated oceans, distance. he gets none of both, but he's content with the warmth he's feeling. 

none of it is from the coffee he's yet to drink.

  
  


"min, why are we here?" younghoon opens, because it's enough that changmin's led the way to this conversation, enough that he'd stayed silent when the other's probably needing more than just the nod he'd given him earlier.

"i can't sleep," came the reply. as brief as what answer younghoon had given the younger. 

he sees the way changmin's finger circles the rim of the mug a few times before remembering that it's ceramic, that the coffee's still fairly hot, that changmin may seem to not have enough of the sun but it doesn't mean he can't burn just like everybody else. 

younghoon takes his finger off the heat, and lays both their hands inches shy from the drinks. he covers his hand atop the other's and hopes that this warmth would be enough for now. that he'd be enough. 

he doesn't let go.

  
  


"it's been going on for quite a while now," he starts, elongating the sounds of his words to make everything last before the moment crumbles. younghoon doesn't know how to say it, how to tell changmin that  _ yes, it's you. yes, there are feelings. yes, i'm falling so, so deep that i'm afraid. _

"the feelings, i mean," younghoon adds, because he feels like he needs to put it out there, needs the words and the emotions to have their own bodies, all so he can brush them off when they start cloaking his shoulders and weigh him down.

"is it someone close to you?" changmin looks afraid, shoulders tensed.  _ fight or flight _ . he looks like he's afraid of the answer. younghoon hasn't taken one sip of his coffee, but there's hope waking him. he allows it to grow, allows it to color him in just barely. 

younghoon looks at their hands, the distance almost non-existent between them.  _ is it someone close to me? _

  
  


"very."

  
  
  
  
  


________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


"you're looking at him like that again, hyung." 

younghoon doesn't turn his head, but a quick side-eye reveals juyeon beside him. he's not even looking at him, speaking with lips still touching the mouth of the water bottle he's emptying. 

younghoon looks at everybody else, if only to convince himself that he hadn't been caught just looking at one of them. he scans the room, sees the youngest ones huddled playing with empty bottles. there's kevin and haknyeon sprawled near the door, hyunjun and jacob pressing cold bottles to their foreheads, sangyeon and hyunjae across the room with eyes shut and backs against the wall.

everyone's doing something, but when younghoon finds chanhee he's already staring at him, eyebrow raised and head titled towards the general direction of changmin.

_ changmin. _ and it's that easy to steal all of his attention. he's in the center of the room again, eyes looking and only focusing on the wall of mirrors in front of him. younghoon could bet with anyone that changmin's not noticing anything going on around him. it's only him, trying to redo a move that already looks flawless to onlookers. but there's a crease between his eyebrows, and he requests aloud to have the song restarted and amplified just a little bit. he's probably not satisfied with the way his body flows with the song. it's chanhee that moves to the speakers, and changmin's dancing again. 

younghoon's breath keeps catching on his throat, and much as he tries to cough it all away the discomfort doesn't go. it's something sitting on his chest, it must be, there's no other reason for his breaths to go heavy. 

_ but there is, you see. you know, younghoon, everybody's seen the way you look at him. the shining dancer, center of this room, center of everything- _

"like that," younghoon wonders, reeling his thoughts in. "how do i look at him, juyeon?"  _ what does it look like to everybody else? _ he turns to the younger, tearing his eyes away from the sight of changmin's grace. 

juyeon screws the cap back to the bottle. it's wobbling in its emptiness when he sets it on the floor.

"i don't exactly know, hyung. but it feels heavy. like a lot of feelings for someone."

  
  
  
  
  


________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


haknyeon's laughter is startling, the sound of it warranting attention over everybody else's. they've just finished dinner, the older ones having cans of beer and the younger preferring their sodas. it's a warm night, warming even more with each round of spin-the-bottle they're playing that hopes to expose things.

"hey, hey! it's changmin's turn to spin!" younghoon can't find anything particularly amusing about that, but there's giggles erupting. it's from chanhee, and younghoon sees the glint in his eyes before he even raises his hand to offer a question. 

the laughter dies down to smiles, and chanhee's is bordering dangerous.

"who here keeps you awake at night more often than you'd like to be?" 

there's someone hollering, and changmin lets out a squeak, higher than what he would usually make, and his skin reddens all the way down to his neck. he's fanning himself, feeling the heat, and his smile is faltering with all the eyes trained on him. chanhee gets a few raised eyebrows at the question, to which he shrugs at. 

"it's open for interpretation. take from that what you would."

everybody's gotten quiet, all waiting for changmin's answer. younghoon watches him bite his lips, dimples showing. changmin lowers his head, looking down at his hands and starts playing with them. he's opening his mouth to answer, and everybody leans a little bit towards him as if gravitated.

changmin's voice is piercing through everything when he looks up to meet his eyes.

"younghoon-hyung." 

  
  


hyunjae's shriek sounds a lot like something he's only heard from nature channels, and everybody's looking at younghoon. 

he can feel his ears burning, and with the attention on him, he's pretty sure he's also going red on every inch of skin his shirt fails to cover.

there's hyunjun and kevin looking at each other while wiggling their eyebrows. chanhee joins in and the three of them look at changmin, who goes even redder. sangyeon sees this and tells them off with a smile, sunwoo yelling at them to keep things PG while covering both his and eric's eyes.

younghoon turns to grab his can of beer, and when he looks back juyeon's already spinning the bottle again.

from across, changmin looks at him while bringing a can of soda to his lips.

  
  
  
  
  


________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


"you know, i've never asked you about the other night." younghoon stops at the doorway, just steps short on entering the living room. 

changmin looks up from his phone, an earbud already off.

"which one, hyung? which night?" 

  
  


and younghoon feels his ears go hot. he clears his throat and tries to compose himself as he walks the remaining few meters to sit beside the younger.

"the one when we drank coffee. i was meaning to ask you something." younghoon turns towards him, and at his movement changmin moves to face him, body tense even as he leans back on the armrest of the couch. 

changmin looks up, something languid and eyes hooded. there's this guarded air about him, maybe that's it settling in the line of his mouth. the younghoon tonight doesn't even think twice to want to get closer. 

"coffee? in the kitchen?" changmin's biting his lips too hard for the soft flesh, telltale of the nerves that his eyes don't betray.

younghoon moves and doesn't even try to not be rough in his haste, already across the distance between them and thumb on changmin's lip before he can overthink it. 

halfway through, younghoon sees changmin's lips part at the suddenness of the action, but he puts his thumb over the bottom one nonetheless and moves it anyway. it's a rose-red petal against his finger, and younghoon struggles to ignore its warmth.

"yeah. the one with you asking about feelings." younghoon doesn't regret what he's done but he scoots back as far as the furniture allows him. "why? are you feeling something for someone?"

there's something burning deep in younghoon's chest as he waits for an answer. this isn't jealousy, he can't allow himself to think of being jealous. whoever has changmin's affection probably deserved it, anyway. 

but younghoon's tired. he's tired of being exhausted, and this fire inside him spreads crackling through all the pine he's been feeling. the other's unblinking in front of him, this fierce shielded mask, and younghoon now wants nothing but to kill this heat. 

there's no coffee brewing, no sleepiness distracting them from this. it's him and changmin, just the both of them and their feelings.

"there is," changmin's playing with his hands, "there is someone." he looks up, bravery spilling. his gaze steady, but voice wavering. younghoon wants to know why changmin's both nervous and afraid.

he doesn't want to look too much into things, to allow himself to hope, because through everything—that other night when he's gifted himself just a sliver of that relief, when changmin's admitted to losing sleep over him, when it's always him changmin asks for—it all could've just been platonic wanting. it could've been worlds away from how younghoon's want feels.

so he sighs deep and puts out all the fires he's feeling. changmin stays unmoving, eyes still on him. younghoon wants to know what's that showing through changmin's face, what it is that stays him.

"hyung, do you like someone?" the question comes as he'd subconsciously expected it to. changmin wants to play, wants to go around in circles, and younghoon's too good at this game. 

"i'm wanting someone and he's very close to me." because what better way to answer than with words he's already used before, right? and if it doesn't sit well with changmin that he's gay, he's wanting someone of the same sex, wanting someone so close to him, then at least younghoon would be spared more hurt. 

younghoon's tired of hoping, he's been running himself high on only it ever since he's looked at changmin and seen  _ lovely _ ,  _ felt lovely. _ he doesn't want to have it, doesn't want to revel in this light he feels.

doesn't want to dwell on it, but just for a second he thinks there's something akin to relief he's reading on changmin's eyes.

  
  


younghoon stays seated as changmin stands up, probably headed to bed. he thinks, _guess_ _this is it. well, it's better to be hurt earlier than later._

"you won't even tell hyung who it is?" 

if there's something bitter that somehow slipped with the words, younghoon hopes changmin doesn't notice. he's looking down, but sees sweatpants-clad legs in front of him nonetheless. 

  
  


"younghoon-hyung. hyung, please look at me."  _ why's he sounding like he's shaking?  _

"hyung."  _ why do i feel red all over?  _

  
  


"hyu-"

  
  


younghoon brings his hand up to grab changmin's wrist, forcing him to sit atop his legs, knees on either side of his.  _ straddling me. _ this has the younger caging him, arms on either side of his head braced on the wall behind the couch. he retracts his hands, something beautiful coloring his cheeks, but younghoon's so close to giving up. so he takes changmin's hands with his own, daring to have his face go closer to the other's until the heat he feels doesn't come from only him. 

here's changmin, breathing hot and eyes wide in front of him. younghoon musters whatever courage he thinks he has left and brings his face closer still.

"i want to be with someone and the thing is, he's very, very close to me right now." 

  
  


younghoon lets go of his hands, so that changmin knows he's free from him. but he's staying still, head not even moving. he's got this look in his eyes, something sparking, and younghoon leans his head back to rest against the wall, almost regretting and now choosing to look away, throat bared so changmin knows he's trusting him. 

but there's fingers sudden ghosting on his skin, following the column of his neck, and younghoon fights the urge to look at changmin. 

  
  


"hyung, hyung,"  _ something reverent.  _ "hyung,"  _ he's echoing all over.  _ "hyung." changmin's hand soft on his cheek, easing his head back to facing him. his hand now at the back of younghoon's neck, playing with his hair the way younghoon did to his that one sunlit afternoon. 

"min, tell me. tell me before i go crazy here." because who would younghoon be if he's not moved by everything changmin does?

he feels hands holding his, put against the thin fabric covering changmin's chest. there's dull beats, loud in making themselves known. changmin kisses his cheek, his forehead, his hands. younghoon stays still. 

  
  


"min. changmin. does this mean anything or am i hoping for too much?" he's closing his eyes to lessen the pain the rejection would bring, but there's none. instead, there's:

"hyung, tell me that it's me. please. i don't want to assume things, please tell me it's me you want-" 

  
  


younghoon hugs him tight, puts his head onto the crook of his neck, hoping he feels warm. he wants this, had wanted this, this something different in the way their bodies touch. 

he keeps all thoughts of soft lips and feather kisses because changmin has not leaned closer even once to his lips tonight no matter how close they've gotten, and younghoon respects that. if this is what he thinks it is, then it won't really be a problem. everything else can wait while he's letting hope take root and blossom deep inside him. 

"it's always been you, changmin. everybody's known it." younghoon feels changmin move back, so he's holding younghoon's cheeks while smiling so, so bright. he's laughing, something alight and beautiful, and younghoon takes delight in the fact that it's him who caused it. "everybody except you, it seems."

changmin's practically jumping in his lap, hands clapping fast, smile beaming still. younghoon tries to school his expression, but it's probably showing in the red he feels flooding his skin.

"you might want to stop moving so much, though." and changmin remembers where he sits, gets colored so, so pretty, suddenly going still but hands fidgeting as if he doesn't know what to do. 

it makes younghoon laugh, wanting to let out this light he suddenly feels blanketing him. he remembers the time, and he lets his laughing turn to smiles. it's night, it's dark out, but there's suns warming him as he looks at changmin. 

"do you want to sleep now? we could cuddle on my bed if you want to." and changmin gets off him, nodding gently while younghoon takes his hand.

they walk in equal paces to his room, and younghoon feels the slow warmth of dawn in his hand before he even takes a look at the window they pass by and sees the sun pinking its way in the skies.

  
  
  
  
  


________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


younghoon wakes up with everything around him glowing. he looks to the window, blinds open to let in streams of afternoon sunlight. it's their day off, and he's just about to close his eyes again when there's soft mumbling coming from somewhere underneath his covers. 

it's probably too late to finally be aware of the arm slung over his waist and the hair tickling his neck, but younghoon looks down and is met with the sight of changmin mirroring sunlight. his eyes are already opened, and he's probably awake before younghoon for minutes now. 

"aren't you warm, is the sun not enough?" he says with a smile, hearing knocks on the door of the room. 

there's something feline in the way changmin's eyes are hooded, something about the sharpness in the shape of his eyelids. he tries to nuzzle deeper into the covers as another round of insistent knocks sound off.

younghoon gets up, because the others would've found changmin's bed empty and they'd have some questions. they could pass it off as casual cuddling, of course, but younghoon wants everybody to know.  _ even if they kind of already do, _ he thinks.

changmin beats him to the door, and when he's twisting the doorknob he looks back to younghoon with a spark in his eyes.

  
  


"hyung, you're enough warmth for me."

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiii :] [my twt!](https://mobile.twitter.com/jjukyus) [my curiouscat!](https://curiouscat.qa/kyuisms)


End file.
